I've only been on Etsy for a little over a month, but I've learned a few things. The first is that it's really important to have a good shop announcement. There is a lot of debate about whether a short one or a long one is better. I think shorter and to the point is better. You should be able to see just the tip of your three Feature pictures (more on that later). Instead of one long paragraph, it is also nice to have two shorter ones. It helps keep the interest a little better.
The first sentence of your shop announcement can make it into Google search, so be specific here about what you do/sell. You can give a little bit of personality, but keep it mostly professional, meaning not too many fancy icons/hearts/stars/exclamation points. Instead of giving all your shop policies, I think a line reminding customers to read your policies before buying is fine. They still may not read the policies, but it's enough to cover you if they complain they didn't know you only ship on Saturdays.
Finally: USE CORRECT GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION EVERYWHERE! And use all-caps sparingly. :)
To fill in your Shop Announcement, go to Your Etsy and click on Appearance (on the left hand side). Shop Announcements will be the third section down to fill in.